Fan Haikus  

In 2004, we asked fans to write a haiku about their favourite Micallef P(r)ogram(me) sketches as part of our contests feature. What people came up with was so good, we couldn’t just toss them out. Here are all the haikus from all the entries. If you have a Haiku you would like to add, send it to

"So you're Dracula?"
"Yes. It's pronounced Dra-coo-la"
"Like West Coast Cooler"

Batman has Robin,
The Lone Ranger has Tonto,
And Francis has Shaun.

"hear yee hear yee" 'thwack'
"heeaarrryee heaaarryeeeeee" 'thwack' "heeear....yeeeh"
crier hit and run

Man asks for credit,
The sign, he does not study.
"No, stinking fat pig!"

Please welcome Jean Steep
Bit of comedy advice
What else is funny?

Please welcome Pauline
Spelt Cock-burn pronounced Co-burn
Hey COCK-BURN! Fuck Off!

My heart skips a beat:
“Attention Il Est Myron!”
That crazy blue man.

Spin the globe to win
Your luxury holiday
Middle of ocean!

Dominic is "real",
But Wayne is really confused,
Calls Shaun Mic a prick.

The brownish bomber
Taken one too many hits
Milo Kerrigan

Five hundred bedsores
but Francis Greenslade has more
but that's by the by

Dracula needs change
He goes down under for sun
He almost has sex


Clay cinderella
Midnight and leg gets eaten
PROJECTILE VOMIT

guitar molested
promises of novelty
defenestrated.

Thousands of Bed Sores
No! Francis Greenslade has more
But that's by the by

"Excuse me matey,
There's a beret on your head"
"Thanks" "FREAK ME SIDEWAYS.

Jim Waley in chair
Jim Waley opens his mouth
Jim Waley chunders

Attention, il est
Myron, tomber en morceaux
Petit argile homme bleu
(translates as “Attention it is / Myron, the falling apart / little blue clay man”)

Twit twoo, little bird!
I whistle in your language.
You twit, the bird thinks.

Distance politeness
Highlighting things, like common
Phantom politeness.

She has it all planned
But Micallef knows better
She just isn’t funny