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	Micallef Tonight Episode Guide As listed at TV.com Written by Daniel Robbins (dan6559@hotmail.com) Episode 1 Aired 12 May 2003 Written by: Matt Cameron Gary McCaffrie Shaun Micallef Michael Ward Directed by: Adrian Dellevergin Guest Starring: Dame Edna Everage (Barry Humphries) Kath and Kim (Jane Turner and Gina Riley) Jamie Durie Dannii Minogue (Musical Guest) Sigrid Thornton (Auto-cue) $10.90 Chicken Parmigiana (Special Guest) The premiere episode rated extremely well in Australia, especially in Melbourne where it's broadcast, coming 12th in Melbourne's ratings with an audience of almost 500,000 and well over one and a half million nation-wide. Barry Humphries Australasia Tour, Back To My Roots And Other Suckers, Starts June 3rd. Please let Shaun know about the high speed train they built in France. Send your letters to French High Speed Train Story Awareness, c/o Micallef Tonight, 22 Bendigo Street, Richmond Victoria 3121 Shaun On His High Horse: a Lord Of The Rings Bungee Ball which he claims was never featured in Tolkien's trilogy. Panadol releasing their new faster acting brand whilst remaining to release their normal, slower acting tablet. A song from Moving Pictures album with questionable lyrics. And why is Channel 10 airing a show called After Midnight at 11:30..? The big issues... It was revealed in an interview with Andrew Denton that himself and Micallef enjoy each others material and are upset that their shows are aired against each other. This is proven during Dannii Minogues performance, as a shot of Shaun watching Enough Rope at his desk flashes on screen. Audience Participa-Shaun - The Original Darrods Wheel Shaun has a moral objection to endorsing products, but it's in Pete's contract. Tomorrow is Typewriter Awareness Day, so please, buy a ribbon. Micallef has given strict instructions not to cut to the audience under any circumstances during this series, because typically studio audiences in Australia are very ill-groomed. Kath and Kim's second season is currently in production and will screen on the ABC later this year. Dannii Minogue can also be seen tomorrow night on "Rove (Live)" and Thursday night on "Greeks On The Roof" Sigrid Thornton is the first celebrity guest to make a cameo appearance as an Auto-cue. Sigrid and Shaun starred together in the hit ABC series "Seachange" as lovers. Comment from Robert Fidgeon, Chief TV Editor of the Herald Sun: ";Well, we now have a new barometer to gauge tonight shows: it can't be worse than 'The Chat Room'. On paper, this show, held back until just after the Logies, looks a winner. Micallef may not be very Nine, but he's very funny and the first guest list rocks: Kath and Kim in character, Dannii Minogue singing and Barry Humphries as himself. Fingers crossed we get a quality commercial TV variety show. Watch for Kath and Kim's bogan-chic fashion." Micallef was the top of the Herald Sun's Hit section's Hot or Not barometer. Quote: ";Micallef Tonight. Hallelujah! Commercial TV variety that doesn't suck" Here's another review of the premiere episode from smh.com.au by David Dale.  "He's snide to his guests, contemptuous of his studio audience, esoteric in his references and rude about his employer. This hardly seems a recipe for ratings on Australia's most watched TV network. But it worked for Graham Kennedy four decades ago and on Monday night it worked for Shaun Micallef, who attracted 1.4 million viewers in the mainland capitals for the premiere of Micallef Tonight. It was the biggest debut of any recent talk show, easily beating others in the current cacophony such as Channel Seven's Greeks on the Roof, the ABC's Enough Rope and Ten's Rove Live and The Panel. It certainly surprised Nine, which is normally delighted if it can attract 1.2 million viewers to Sex and the City at 9.30 on a Monday. If that 1.4 million was not just a hangover from the party mood of the Logies, and holds up for a few more Mondays, Micallef Tonight will be the most successful talk/variety program since The Norman Gunston Show in the 1970s." - May 14, 2003 Shaun gave Jamie Durie of "Backyard Blitz" a lengthy introduction before he appeared. When it became obvious this introduction summarised his entire career, he was sent off again. However, this didn't stop promoters from listing Durie as one of the show's main guests. Episode 2 Aired 19 May 2003 Written by: Matt Cameron Gary McCaffrie Shaun Micallef Michael Ward Directed by: Adrian Dellevergin Guest Starring: Gary Sweet Bridie Carter Gerard Depardieu Shakaya  (Musical Guest) Robyn Butler (Backing Singer Phoebe) Micallef's second week saw the show maintain it's impressive opening night, to come in 49th on the national list with 1.19 million viewers, which included 440,524 in Melbourne. Audience Participa-Shaun: Bobbing For Apples Arch-bishop Peter Hollingworth joins the Channel 9 Nine tonight. Gary Sweet stars in Alexandra's Project as a beer-drinking, insensitive bloke with an eye for the ladies, and is screening in the few remaining cinemas not showing The Matrix. He's also in Stingers which airs Tuesday nights. Bridie Carter lied to get her role on McLeods Daughters saying she could ride a horse, when she couldn't. Mcleod's Daughters airs Wednesday nights.  Pig Rooting??  Bridie's favourite actors are Meryl Streep and Judy Davis. Scannich means Pastie in Ukranian. A Crean Labour Government? Livinia Nixon does not appear in this episode. Gerard Depardieu appeared for all of several seconds, being a guest in the first (and last) of the show's commercial break interviews. Episode 3 Aired 26 May 2003 Written by: Matt Cameron Gary McCaffrie Shaun Micallef Michael Ward Directed by: Adrian Dellevergin Guest Starring: Alison Whyte Shane Warne David Campbell (Musical Guest) Shaun had Alison Whyte hold a giant blow-up fish while he stood on the desk and did a bizarre dance, just so Channel Nine had something wacky for the following week's promos. Predictably, it made into an ad for the show a few days later. Micallef On His High Horse: Sydney Morning Herald's TV Guide mispelt Micallef Tonight as Micallef Tonisht. He then went on to gag at Elton John's concert coverage which could be mispelt as Misht Be Risht Tonisht. In the bin with it. Adam West from the original Batman series joins the Channel 9 Nine tonight as a Special Guest. To prove that the musical items on Micallef Tonight are in fact Live and not pre-recorded, David Campbell was asked to insert the word Lamington somewhere randomly during the song. Shaun Micallef asked Shane Warne for his view on Shaun's tapes of his comical bowling performance in his cricket whites, including front and side views which did not match each other. Episode 4 Aired 2 June 2003 Written by: Matt Cameron Gary McCaffrie Shaun Micallef Michael Ward Directed by: Adrian Dellevergin Guest Starring: Jimeoin Melissa George Erik Thomson The Whitlams (Musical Guests) Jose Feliciano $10.90 Chicken Parmigiana This episode aired at the *special time* of 9.40pm.  This episode ran almost 10 minutes overtime, causing Sopranos fans to wait until 10.50pm.  As soon as the show finished, Shaun looked at his watch, realised how late it was and said, "Shit, the Sopranos are gonna have me killed!" Adam West is out of the Channel Nine 9 tonight with gastro, being replaced by Jose Feliciano in both cardboard cut-out, and human forms.  Jose is the first international guest on Micallef Tonight. He has won 6 Grammy's, made 65 albums, and sold 100 million records.  Jose, starting next month, is playing Adelaide at the Governor Hindmarsh Hotel, followed by Perth, the Gold Coast and Sydney. The $10.90 Chicken Parmigiana is headlining this week at Crown Casino, with Jose Feliciano as it's support act, plus a free Coke. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is to be released June 21st. Americans will receive the same version, but with the title Harry Potter and the Order of French Fries, so that they can understand apparently. Jose Feliciano's album, Senor Bolero 2, is available on import only. Jimeoin is on tour starting in June, going all up Queensland and flew back from Brisbane to appear on the show tonight. Mrs. Veronica Huff wrote a letter to Micallef Tonight, saying that thieves broke into a high school and stole, among other things, every single computer. The computers were not insured because the school could not afford the insurance premiums. Micallef Tonight recommends you don't enroll your kids at Richmond High School, as they will be seriously under-resourced. Melissa George was blamed for the show starting late tonight, as it was the episode of Friends that she guest starred in that ran 10 minutes overtime. Melissa was put on hold so that Micallef could interview Erik Thomson from the green room. It apparently costs them $100,000 a minute to use the satellite.   Erik Thomson played Dr. Mitch Stevens on All Saints for four years and 175 episodes. He recently won the Silver Logie, which he describes as a vibrator with arms. Channel 7 wouldn't let Micallef Tonight have the footage of Dr. Mitch's death scene so it was replaced with a monkey getting ready for bed. No truce could be formed between the networks who hate each other, and Channel 7 who hate hard.  This Friday, Erik begins narrating a documentary for the ABC entitled, Einstein's Wife. The cast of Friends don't work Monday. They come in for two hours on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday for rehearsals. On Friday morning they rehearse until dinner time which lasts about three hours. Then hair and make-up, and shooting at about 4:00 in the afternoon which goes for about 7 hours. Then they have Saturday and Sunday off as well, to earn over a million dollars.  Melissa's new movie, Down With Love, co-stars Ewan McGregor and Renee Zellwegger will be released in Australia later this year. She receives third billing even though all of her scenes, except for one, were cut from the film. The Whitlams latest single is Don't Believe Anymore, and was performed in the studio under the direction of Micallef, who added a man in a gorilla costume and a goat to improve The Whitlams ratio of bad film clips. The set was designed for Leanne Rimes who didn't show up because they forgot to book her. Audience Participa-Shaun: Daryl-In-The-Barrel. Micallef wanted a crazed ex-SAS sniper to take us out this evening, but the legal department said,"no, it's too dangerous" Episode 5 Aired 9 June 2003 Written by: Matt Cameron Gary McCaffrie Shaun Micallef Michael Ward Directed by: Adrian Dellevergin Guest Starring: Judith Lucy Matt Welsh Warren & Gavin Percy Sledge (Musical Guest) Kerri-Anne Kennerly (Auto-cue) This episode ran almost 15 minutes over. 58 minutes without commercials. Kerri-Anne is the second Australian celebrity to do a cameo on Micallef Tonight in the role of an Auto-cue. The first was Sigrid Thornton in the opening episode. During Percy Sledge's performance of  "When a Man Loves a Woman"  we caught a glimpse of Shaun and Judith Lucy staring at each other seductively while drinking wine, and licking the glasses in a disturbing manner. During the Judith Lucy interview, Shaun aired a clip from the alleged "unaired pilot", in which Judith smash a chair over his head. She explained that she was still furious after seeing Madonna's "Swept Away". This episode marked the first of several Matt Welsh appearances on the show. He rang up in at least two future episodes, interrupting interviews with other guests. At one stage he turned up uninvited to finish the show for Shaun. Warren's "distinctive" laugh during the interview was sampled and used as "thinking music" during the episode's Audience Participa-Shaun segment. The infamous laugh (arguably more reminiscent of a seal than anything from a human voicebox) became a running gag throughout the series' lifespan, with the same sound surfacing during some of the most inappropriate moments in later episodes. Shaun being a devout monarchist, dedicated this episode to Her Majesty, on her birthday. This being the Queens Birthday Long Weekend. Bachs Tocata was performed tonight by the lovely Nokia 8250, in a stirring rendition. Livinia Nixon's Consumer Power...Tips: Of all the household jobs, removing bathroom mould is probably the most difficult. Judith Lucy performs all your favourite disco hits using nothing but a triangle and her own teeth. Matt Welsh, the World Champion Back-Stroker, is not to be confused with a box of bicarbonate of soda. Matt was filling in at the last moment for Leanne Rimes, who again failed to show up because Micallef Tonight forgot to book her. Warren & Gavins appearance was, Shaun declares, not shameless cross-promotion which he is morally against. And to make sure there was no bias, Shaun would like viewers to be informed of their choices on Sunday nights, other than The Block airing at 6:30, you could choose between Monarch of the Glen on ABC, Australias Worst Drivers on 7, Big Brother on 10 and World News on SBS. This weeks viewer poll, Should Passengers Be Banned From Commercial Flights in Australia? Phone Your Response, Yes: 1800 5677 No: 1800 5678 What?: 1800 5679 Shaun On His High Horse this week: Tic-Toc Biscuits, they're not to be relied upon. Purex Toilet Tissue being wrapped around a dog, and Jefferson Starships building foundation, unpopular music. Audience Participa-Shaun: Bobbing For Apples (although he pulled out a carrot!) Micallefs friends at Bolivar Falconing. Call this number, (08) 9276741, to hear a phone ringing out. If you'd like to be a contestant on Burgo's Catch Phrase, we'd be very surprised. Write to PO Box 27 Willoughby NSW 2068. Colleen Hewitt was out of the Channel 9 Nine tonight suffering from the Bubonic Plague. In her place, a monkey. Episode 6 Aired 16 June 2003 Written by: Matt Cameron Gary McCaffrie Shaun Micallef Michael Ward Directed by: Adrian Dellevergin Guest Starring: Delta Goodrem (Musical Guest) Ben Elton George Greegan Matt Welsh (Cameo) Gregory Peck/ Labour Leadership/  Senate/ Terrorist Alert Levels/ Airport Security /Michael Jackson Bandit / Matrix Reloaded Banned/ Russell Crowe Hilary Clinton"s book -Computer graphics -North Korea -Consumer Power : tips -Kasperov (hide and seek) - Bradman's Cap -Microphones on the AFL field -The Wheel -Astounding Colour Ballet Just over three weeks after her performance, it was revealed that Delta Goodrem has cancer and will be starting treatment soon. Sad news for a very warm-hearted and truly talented girl. During Delta Goodream's performance, Francis Greenslade crawled under the piano and stole her shoes. During Shaun's interview with Delta Goodrem, he cut to three renditions of her single Innocent Eyes. The first was Shaun, singing unpleasantly off-key. The second was co-host Francis Greenslade with a decidedly wackier accordian version. Finally, Jan the cafeteria lady gave a deadpan performance. These three songs were compiled on a (fictitious) CD titled Better than Goodrem. Episode 7 Aired 23 June 2003 Guest Starring: Caroline Craig John McEnroe Amiel (Musical Guest) Shane Crawford (Auditioning Guest) Rhonda Birchmore (Guest) It was advertised in the TV Guide that British actor, Pete Postlethwaite would be appearing in this episode. He was nowhere to be seen and no mention was made of him at all. To prove the song was live, Shaun asked Amiel to include the word dolphinarium somewhere in her song. However, she forgot to include it. (Or was it, in fact, pre-recorded...?) Episode 8 Aired 30 June 2003 Guest Starring: Dave Hughes Anthony LaPaglia Birtles, Shorrock, Goble (Musical Guest) Here's this comment from Chief Herald-Sun TV Editor, Robert Fidgeon: "Aussie with a pronounced American accent Anthony LaPaglia is Micallefs special guest this week. LaPaglia is here to promote the premiere of his new US TV drama, Without A Trace, which sees him as the head of the FBI missing persons bureau. Original Little River Band voices - Birtles, Goble and Shorrock - also perform, but Micallef remains an acquired taste and his show is still very uneven." Episode 9 Aired 7 July 2003 Guest Starring: Craig David Marcus Graham Nicole Livingstone David Bridie Episode 10 Aired 14 July 2003 Guest Starring: Mick Molloy Bob Franklin Judith Lucy Amity Dry Blair McDonough Tony Martin was scheduled and advertised to appear to promote the film he wrote and directed, Bad Eggs but didn't make it. Mick Molloy, Bob Franklin and Judith Lucy all appeared. It was announced around the time of this episodes airing, that Micallef Tonight had been extended for a further 20 weeks. Three weeks later, it's axed. Channel Nine logic. Episode 11 Aired 21 July 2003 Guest Starring: Michael McKean Seann William Scott Todd Woodbridge Placebo (Musical Guests) Simon Tedeschi Dave Graney Clare Moore The following article appeared in The Weekend Bulletin - SUPPORT ACT FOR MICALLEF Comedian Shaun Micallef spent his birthday on crutches yesterday after injuring his knee while filming a sketch for his Monday night show. The accident happened on Thursday while Micallef filmed a sketch 'plainclothes firefighters', the first instalment in a series of recurring sketches for the program, featuring Micallef, Francis Greenslade, Livinia Nixon, Pete Smith and Jason Geary. Midway through, Micallef slid down a fireman's pole and landed awkwardly. He finished shooting the sketch before he visited Dr. Peter Larkins, the medical advisor to Channel 9's The AFL Footy Show and part of Nine's AFL football commentary team. Micallef suffered a painful bucket-handle tear of the meniscus in his knee and will be on crutches for several weeks. The injury will be incorporated into Micallef's show courtesy of a novel new segment 'Shaun on his low horse.' (thanks to Matt Weston) Seann William stars in the new movie ";American Wedding"which will be released in Australia early to mid August. Episode 12 Aired 28 July 2003 Guest Starring: Clive James Tony Martin The Superjesus (Musical Guests) This week's Audience Participa-Shaun contestent was selected by the Micallef Tonight Leper. Following a segment involving a midget hassling random restaurant patrons, Tony Martin pointed out that the last show he was involved with that featured a midget was axed. (The Mick Molloy show, another short-lived Channel Nine variety show, introduced "Mini Mick", a minature version of the show's host.) Ironically, Micallef Tonight was cancelled the following week. Episode 13 Aired 4 August 2003 Guest Starring: Ricky Martin Keith Urban Dave O'Neil The Dandy Warhols (Next weeks Musical Guests) It was announced just after the airing of this episode, that Micallef Tonight would be ending it's run on the Nine Network due to constantly declining ratings.  In Melbourne, Micallef Tonight drew only 293,624 viewers, and 821,192 nationally being beaten soundly by Enough Rope with well over a million viewers across the country.  Shaun and show producer Todd Abbott were shocked when they learned of the decision late Tuesday afternoon, because just a month ago Nine extended the show to the end of the year, even booking guests until the end of November. The final episode of Micallef Tonight. This article appeared in The Australian, August 7 2003, by Sophie Tedmanson. Comedian Shaun Micallef's left-field tonight show is the latest interview program to get the axe, proving that quirk doesn't seem to work anymore when it comes to homegrown variety-style television. Micallef Tonight, which debuted in May, has been dropped by the Nine Network following dwindling ratings, just weeks after Seven ended Greeks on the Roof a week early. Despite a cult following from his critically acclaimed sketch show - Micallef Pogram - which ran for three seasons on the ABC, the comedian's move to Nine has been shortlived. It is the second big blow for Micallef, whose sitcom Welcher and Welcher has not resumed since its first season on the ABC earlier this year. Micallef Tonight started well. The first episode, featuring guests Barry Humphries and Dannii Minogue, drew 1.4 million viewers. But the comedian's biting humour and quirky segments fell flat and Micallef Tonight only managed to attract 786,799 viewers last Monday. Seven is yet to make a decision on the future of Greeks, which featured Effie, aka comedian Mary Coustas, and her loud-mouth family bombarding guests with scripted jokes in the style of the BBC's The Kumars at No 42. In contrast, Rove Live - the standard tonight show format - is enjoying a popular third season on the Ten Network after host Rove McManus took home three Logie Awards this year, including the gold. Andrew Denton's one-on-one interview show Enough Rope has surprised the critics with good ratings for the ABC and survived the broadcaster's cuts announced this week. But Micallef, whose debut show rated the highest out of any of the four variety programs this year, couldn't sustain the viewers. While promoting his show back in May, Micallef described the format as “an odd show to have on Channel 9”. According to a statement from Nine, Micallef was “a great talent. We are disappointed the program didn't reach our ratings expectations”. Micallef is believed to have taken a break with his Melbourne-based family and yesterday would not comment about his show's axing, but according to his agent the comedian will not stay quiet for long. This week's Audience Participa-Shaun contestent was selected by the Micallef Tonight French Stereotype. Shaun rang up Channel Nine's complaints department on-air to anonymously complain about his own show, becuase it always ran late and delayed The Sopranos. The Dandy Warhols made a premature appearance at the end of the episode. The band was apparently about to play before Shaun informed them they were, in fact, scheduled for next week. (Due to the show's cancellation, they never got to perform.