Close Encounters

Tales from people who can verify Shaun is a live human being and not some animatronic or CGI effect devised for your entertainment pleasure.

If you have had a close encounter, share your story with us by sending it to

Flinders Street Station - Leon Sjogren

I remember during a school excursion to the city in 2004 we were waiting for a train at Flinders Street station and I spotted someone who resembled Shaun, so I did the thing that anyone else would do and yell out his name across the platform and then pretend it wasn't me. This confirmed my theory when the Shaun looked startled and viewed his surrounding area, I yelled his name out again and he looked at me, I waved and said "how are you?". He replied "good thanks!", I then mentioned that I had bought his DVD and it was great and he gave me a thumbs up, that image has burnt into my mind and I will never forget it. 

An Evening with Shaun Micallef and Michael Palin, RMIT- Miss_M

As most of you know, Shaun interviewed Michael Palin at RMIT Storey Hall in Melbourne. We (my dad, my brother David, my friend Angela and myself) arrived at the venue by 6pm to maximise our chances for good seats! The walls of the foyer were adorned with posters advertising Michael's latest travel series and book, Himalaya. I purchased a copy of the book at the beginning of the evening, and I had also brought along my copy of Smithereens and the Micallef Programme DVD, just in case Shaun would be available to sign stuff too! Three tables were set up with a range of merchandise, including copies of Michael's earlier travel books, and the Monty Python autobiography, The Pythons. I was pleasantly surprised to see copies of Smithereens for sale among the vast array of Palin/Python paraphernalia. That yellow cover really stands out in a crowd!  

The growing throng quickly formed into lines as two doors to the theatre were opened around 6.30pm. Angela and I bolted to the front of the hall with little or no regard for the people around us. (My sincere apologies to the old ladies). We were quite thrilled to snare four seats in the second row!  I'm not sure how many people ultimately turned out for the talk and book signing, but the figures would have amounted to several hundred. Both the stalls and the dress-circle (is theatrical terminology used to describe the layout of university lecture theatres?) appeared quite full. For the Melburnians (and indeed visitors to Melbourne) who have not been to RMIT Storey Hall, it is well worth checking out just for the funky art-deco look and feel of the place! On stage, two comfy-looking chairs were set up either side of a small round table which contained a decanter of water and two glasses. It was all very Michael Parkinson!   

Anyhoo, after much anticipation, Shaun made a not-so-spectacular appearance just after 7pm. When the audience finally woke up to the fact that Shaun was on stage, he was greeted with a warm round of applause. I assume the theatre was having technical problems that night, because Shaun initially asked the audience if we had heard the introduction designed to welcome him to the stage (and to inform us how wonderful he is!) Unfortunately for us, we never heard any such introduction. (Pooey!) Shaun advised us that the use of recording devices and flash photography was not permitted. (Sadly, David couldn't get any shots of Shaun and Michael during the interview). Shaun then added that Michael doesn't mind so much, and that these rules were designed more for his benefit. Hehehe!! Shaun did a brief spiel about Michael's diverse background as actor, comedian, writer and traveler before welcoming Michael to the stage. 

Both Shaun and Michael looked very relaxed in their neat/casual clothing. Shaun was dressed in dark, slightly washed-looking, jeans and a dark blue jumper which was nicely complemented by a white undershirt. Michael was also looking very smart in his cream suit.  The sound problems continued, and Shaun bent over rather seductively at the lectern as a guy adjusted the microphone-pack thingie that was attached to his lower back. Shaun and Michael then sat down and engaged in some gay banter about their bottoms being switched on. It was pure GOLD!!

The interview provided a thorough account of all Michael's journeys to date. It was apparent that Shaun had done his homework on his subject. He interviewed Michael as himself, not as Shaun the obnoxious and incompetent talk-show host of The Micallef P(r)ogram(me)! He asked Michael a number of interesting questions, and let Michael do most of the talking. Michael gave informative and entertaining anecdotes about his latest journey in the Himalaya, including his meeting with the Dalai Lama. After the interview, the audience was given the opportunity to ask Michael questions. Shaun chose people at random, and relayed their questions to Michael. Afterwards, Shaun told the crowd that Michael would be available to sign books in the foyer. And so began the second mad rush of the evening as everyone piled out of the theatre and joined the long, long, line of Palin devotees! 

I joined the line with my copy of Himalaya and scanned the crowded foyer hoping to catch a glimpse of Shaun. I wasn't sure whether or not he would hang around after the interview, and was excited when I saw him standing in a corner talking with a group of people. Angela decided to jump out of the line to go and see Shaun. She felt bad that she didn't have any Micallef merchandise for him to sign, but really wanted to meet him. She asked if he would sign her ticket, which he did! Angela informed Shaun that they share the same birthday (July 18) and they are both half-Maltese. David then went over to Shaun while I remained in the line with my dad. I looked on enviously as David asked Shaun if he would sign my copy of Smithereens, which he was more than happy to do, of course. He wrote "Hello Michelle. Regards, Shaun Micallef." I was so excited to learn that Shaun didn't even have to ask how to spell my name! He automatically put in the double L. There's a guy at work who spells my name Michele, which really gets on my quince. But that's another story... David then asked Shaun if he would sign the DVD. David told me that Shaun's eyes really lit up when he saw the DVD, and he exclaimed something like, "Oh, it's the DVD!" Shaun would have realised that we brought it in especially with the hope of getting it signed, because it wasn't for sale on the night. Shaun signed his name on disc one, and drew a Hitler moustache on himself! (It is freaking hilarious, I tell you!! I guess it could be a Chaplin moustache, but on first glance you would be inclined to go for the Hitler interpretation!) Shaun then asked David his name and shook his hand. At this point it all became too much for me, so I left dad with my handbag and rushed over to join Shaun and the gang! I told him my name, shook his hand, and he said "Nice to meet you, Michelle."  I then asked if he would mind posing for a picture with me. David took our photo, and then one of Angela with Shaun. It was all just so overwhelming, that I couldn't think of anything particularly interesting or intelligent to say! Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn't it? Ah well. I'm just so thrilled that I was able to meet Shaun! He came across as a very down-to-earth and genuine man, very unassuming and extremely approachable.

Angela and I re-joined my dad in the line, and proceeded to meet Michael Palin! I asked Michael how he was, and he replied "I'm very well, how are you?" before writing "To Michelle - Happy Travels! Michael Palin" in my copy of Himalaya. I then asked he he would mind signing my gourd and presented him with a permanent blue marker and the small yellowish gourd. Michael peered at it curiously and said, "I've never signed one of these before!" You can't imagine how truly surprised I was to hear that no Python fan has ever before presented Michael Palin with a gourd!! So apparently I am the first person in the world to have this honour. YAY!!! Anyhow, when Michael pulled the top off the marker, it somehow broke! I said something like "Oh, how embarrassing!" and I ended up with blue ink all over my hands as I quickly put the pen back together and shoved it back into my bag! Michael wrote "Hello! - Michael Palin" on the gourd with a generic pen, which I hope won't fade with time. Michael seemed genuinely interested to learn that my gourd was an antique! (It could be anywhere between 50-60 years old, and came from a basket of dried fruit that my grandparents had in their house!) Unfortunately, Michael no longer poses for photos with people due to time constraints, which is understandable. I honestly don't know how the poor man continuously signs such a huge volume of merchandise without getting a severe cramp! David stood at the side of the table and took a few photos of Michael signing our goodies. Angela asked Michael to sign a bottle of Holy (Gr)ail! Or Holy Ale, if you like. It was interesting to watch the crowd lined up with their all Python-related stuff, as well as Michael's travel books! 

Well, I hope you've enjoyed this rather long-winded account of my encounters with Shaun and Michael!

Filming "Welcher & Welcher" - Eleonora Bertsa (Paul/Peter Cohen's daughter, Noira)

I was only on set with Shaun for two days. I think I was in episodes 2 and 6...but I may be completely wrong it was so long ago! =S Well, I'll tell you whatever pops into mind, just for the fun of the ride....We did have fun on set. =P 

I had only been in the country for a year or so when I got the role of Noira, so I didn't really know much about Australian television or actors, but all my friends and family were really excited that I was getting to work with Shaun. He was really friendly when I first met him, in the small house near the ABC studios- where we shot quite a few scenes. He shook my hand and introduced himself, "Hi, I'm Shaun..." and we had a bit of a chat. I had to wear a chunky headbrace and the whole cast thought it was a great laugh, especially Shaun, he teased me playfully about it quite a bit. The first scene we shot, I had to stare blankly into nothing as my father (Francis Greenslade) introduced me to his boss (Shaun), then move aside and stare in front of me as the main cast spoke their dialogue. Shaun also found it very amusing how I could stare at that woven, pink flamingo on the wall for so long. Actually, we joked about that crazy flamingo quite a bit! =P From what I saw of Shaun, he seemed like an extremely funny, genuine and friendly man and I think he acts very much himself when confronted by the media, especially with Micallef Tonight. (I miss that show!)

Francis was great! He was really good fun to be around and so friendly!!! I bumped into him at a cafe a while after shooting Welcher & Welcher and we had a little chat. My friends thought it was great!

Gleebooks Bookstore Book Signing - Olivia Farag

Like many Shaun fans of the forum, our anticipation of meeting Shaun at Gleebooks in Sydney on the night 23^rd September was rabid. There was a lot to plan for a night like this. Our team consisted of myself, my young sister Laura, and our father. Did we bring the digital camera? Check. Copy of his book to sign? Check. Some witty questions/anecdotes up our sleeve? Check. 

We got to the venue super early to avoid the Amazon rush we’d assume would be there. The only thing cramming Gleebooks were…..well….books, so we hung around poking fun at all the titles sitting on the shelf, like “Inside Mark Latham” . About half an hour before Shaun was due to commence, we rushed upstairs to avoid the Amazon rush we’d assume would be there. All the seats were empty so we carefully planted ourselves down the front were we would get some choice shots of Shaun at the podium. Two lovely ladies were setting up a video camera. They wandered over to us and handed us a sticker about their Shaun website. “I know this website!” I said. “I posted a message in your guestbook.” And sure enough I had.  I knew Shaun would be a pretty punctual sort of guy and probably dressed in casual, and I was right on both accounts. At five-to-seven I approached the bar for a quick glass of water and saw Shaun standing up the back talking to the website owners. “Wow! That’s Shaun!” I thought, but didn’t want to gape and drool, so I casually wandered back to my seat and informed my party that “he’s there but don’t look.” 

At seven on the dot Shaun strode up to the podium and sat on a big swivel chair behind the podium. He was introduced by some guy. “Is this your first book?” the introducer asked Shaun. Shaun nodded earnestly. He then welcomed Shaun to the podium. We all cheered. Shaun leaned casually on the podium in his casual brown shirt, pants and sneakers. “Thanks for coming” said Shaun. “For those of you who haven’t bothered to turn up….well, I see no point.” We all laughed. “I don’t know how to structure this, if indeed it needs structure” said Shaun. “I thought I would just read the entire book to you.” We all laughed again. He read a few excerpts from his book, doing one in a northern British accent. “I’ll act, I”LL ACT!” said Shaun eagerly. Then afterwards he asked if there were any questions and to my horror my dad put his hand up. “Yes sir” asked Shaun. My dad dithered out his question about how long it took to put the book together. “I didn’t glue the book myself” answered Shaun. “Penguin do that for me.” Shaun answered the question for a bit then ended it with “we all have one book in us, and sadly this is mine.” 

More questions followed. I noticed one guy asked about 3 or 4 questions so I thought “bugger this, I’m asking one too.” So my hand went up and I babbled something about Shaun being described as “Australia’s answer to John Cleese.” What was his opinion on that? Shaun said “If I'm the answer, I'm not sure what the question was” and I cursed myself and thought “what a stupid question.” Shaun’s response was “Maybe because I’m tall….it’s flattering”. 

Afterwards Shaun strode down the back to sign books and chat with fans. When we got to the table my heart was pounding. We only had one Shaun book between the three of us. So we brought another book along called “Switch on to your inner strength” by Sandy MacGregor. Shaun graciously signed it too. My sister leaned over and said “I’M the Laura!!” and he said “OK, I’ll underline the Laura….just because you’re second…..we know how you feel.” 

By that stage I didn’t want to take any photos cos I was pretty satisfied but my dad was hovering and insisting “why don’t you take a photo?” I felt a bit dubious because the camera has a flash thingy on it so I asked Shaun if it was OK and he said “Sure – just let me take off my glasses so I look a bit more handsome that way.” So I took the photo which turned out nicely. Then my dad goes “why don’t you shake his hand?” and I said “No – its OK” but Shaun stood up and shook my hand and my dad took forever to take the photo. It didn’t turn out very well – closed eyes and all but something came over me then and there and I grabbed all my stuff and ran out of the store. I felt embarrassed about taking the photos with flash photography. It makes me feel like I’m a member of the paparazzi or something. Anyway, that’s my account of meeting Shaun and I think everyone who met him that night were impressed with his grace and humor. If Shaun reads this I hope he can forgive me for momentarily blinding him with the flash.

Readings Bookstore Book Signing - Peter Van Dort

I went to the readings at Carlton to see Shaun Micallef. As one does. And yeah, I was all shaken up to see him casually in the bookstore, signing stuff. That bloody man with glasses who runs the Readings place brushed me off and said "Mr Micallef won't be signing anything now" and took him away! I swore I would have my revenge on that man.

But anyway, Shaun, in the croaky voice he's had for the past few days, read out certain parts of 'Smithereens.' As usual, he was in his witty form. I was able to ask him a question, but unfortunately I was pretty nervous. Last time I saw him in 2000 I was able to get a signature...but I was not really up to the task of speaking with him. How can you casually speak with someone that you re-watch on videos all day long? Anyway, this time I knew I would regret it if I didn't speak to him on a personal level. And I did end up chatting with him. I got him to sign my copy of the book, as well as making him draw a face on a stick figure I had drawn on the back cover with his arm around a stick figure of what I told him was to represent me...yeah thats a pretty weird thing for me to make him do but I couldnt think of anything clever....

I said 'G'day Shaun. We've met before,' and he seemed interested when I said that (remember through all of this I was still quite nervous inside). I explained I was at the third series, which he seemed delighted to talk about. I said I was at the episode with Andrew Denton, and said my brother ran onto stage and grabbed him. He said 'Oh yeah,' grinning, dunno if he honestly rememebered or not. 'Good times', he said. I then told him that I am a writer, and how I am attempting to write a novel...a comedy, I stuttered. I told him I can't find many funny books, and he recommended Spike Milligan's book to me. Well, I moved on and my friends got him to sign happy birthday notes, health care cards, and the DVds and I decided to butt in with more conversation. I told him that I read on a website..this one...and I was one of the people who asked the question (which he smiled at) that he has two projects being considered by the ABC. I suggested that it was called 'The Mouse Report'. He corrected me that it was called 'THe Mouse Patrol' but he liked my title better and it didn't matter anyway. He was able to tell me that a few days before, the ABC had put the green light, or at least, the amber light, on the sketch project. He himself seemed confused which project he meant. I was also able to thank him for the extras he had put on his recent DVD's. He said 'thankyou' and 'Have you found the secret footage?' And I hadn't. So I asked enthusiastically how. He told me how. Anyway, I was able to find out through the man himself!

What else? Well, I butted in on another friend as he made Shaun sign the two Micallef P(r)ogram(me) DVDs, and I asked Shaun, in regards to the photo on the inner cover's collage where he is seen at the urinal, whether he was aware that photo was being taken. He laughed 'no, Wayne took that.' That was interesting. And finally, I as able to tell him that I had heard him on John Fayne's radio program that morning. He seemd surprised that I heard that he had co-hosted that show, and I explained that my dad was listening and told me 'Shaun is on,' and I comically told Shaun that I went 'Oh my!'...anyway, I gave a nervous grin given I had revealed myself as an obsessee!

As I went home my stomach was churning. I mean, I had chatted to Shaun Micallef! To me it was like he was my friend, yet I couldn't get over the fact that I spend half my life collecting and watching everything he does. There are only two people around that I actually worship in terms of comedy and writing, Shaun and Trey Parker**. Who I will probably never meet. Still, speaking to Shaun was pretty amazing to me though in reality, he is a very down to earth guy with a good sense of humour.

**We here at SMOWAH think Trey rocks as well, and we'll be lining up with you, Peter, if the chance to meet him and Matt Stone ever arises.

Melbourne Writers' Festival Book Signing - MO


In the theatre, we got front row seats. And man, were these good seats. The whole time Shaun was facing towards us. The interview went on about an hour and a half, but I was sad that it had to end so soon. I couldn’t think of any questions, which is also a shame. But it was really funny. Really REALLY funny. Apparently Shaun was a dyslexic and hardly read while he was young, and this will be his only book. Some other stuff about a ‘nameless certain Channel nine’ and the nickname ‘ace’ is a LIE!! (Blame that on ‘amiannoying.com’) 

After the show, I wandered around, finally deciding to go upstairs, and at the top, the man in front of me started to talk and I immediately knew it was Shaun. And it was. Someone asked him if he wanted a drink of water, all the while I was just standing about a metre away, staring. After the person went off to get his water, he looked around and saw me and said Hello. I smiled and said hi back. All I could think was ‘Oh My GOD!’. I got in the line, and people kept lining up and I had to push my way through the people to get to the end of the line. Someone in front of us brought his HWN dvd cover for Shaun to sign. Why didn’t I bring something!? Oh well, when it was my turn, not much was said, I couldn’t find the words. Aarrgh! But, I met him and Dad took photos, after the first one Shaun says he should take off his glasses, so I have 2. One of them is my wallpaper, coz I have nothing else*. (*this is a lie to cover up my obsessive ways.) Now my book says ‘Hello Melissa, Regards, Shaun Micall…’ I can’t quite make out the rest. (Who is this Melissa? Well that’s my real name.) 

Coming down the stairs, I told dad I wanted to meet someone and he wandered off. Then I met up with Mout, and talked about, err, not much as far as I could remember. Then we went our separate ways and Dad went to take more photos of the Peril. I just skipped around dancing humming the Micallef Tonight theme. I had met the MAN!

Melbourne Writers' Festival Book Signing - Mouton Bleu

Terribly exciting!!!!!!!!!! I nearly missed the start though, 'cause Mum's watch stopped and we thought we had ages to go, but didn't. We still managed to get probably the second best seats in the place, directly in front of Shaun, but down a bit - so we got a great view of expressions I haven't seen the likes of since MT!
Shaun even read a couple of bits from his book, including one about bats.At the end there were questions from the audience, but I couldn't think of any.

AFTER THE THING: After racing in and out of the toilet I lined up in the book"store" and there was already a big-ish line. I was about a metre and a half from Shaun when I spotted him and involuntarily gasped "There he is".
The line was coming from the opposite direction, so Mum and I walked to the other end. Waited in line for a while, reading Smithereens. Another author left because no-one was coming to see him, poor bloke. Watched as line moved steadily along. Continued to read Smithereens. Mum enquired about my camera, so I had my ever-present backpack surgically removed from my back in order to get photographic equipment out and hand it to Mum. Backpack went back on my back, camera came out of its case, Smithereens was returned to and we were getting closer to Shaun.
Was taken by surprise when Mum and I were suddenly at the front of the line and jumped slightly. Whipped book shut, stepped forward and the next few seconds are a blur.

Mum asked if Shaun minded her taking a picture of me with him and then I asked what if I didn't want to be in the picture, but both insisted I did. I leant in awkwardly and waited for the photo to be taken. It took a while, so while I was waiting I stuck out my tongue slightly then made an "err" noise near Shaun's ear. Felt stupid afterwards, as flash went off at this moment.
I can't remember if it happened before or after the photo, but we spoke with Shaun and he asked my name, then Mum went and blabbed something about me winning the HWN DVD and Shaun said "Oh, have they made that now?" or something like that and I laughed and something else was said, which I've forgotten, but ended in Shaun listening intently as I went "Yes, I wrote about baked beans - and, er... stuff."

After murmuring "what should I write in here, then" he signed my book with "Hello Fiona, Enjoy the book. Shaun Micall~~~ [the signature ended in squiggle]" then added in brackets to the side "No need for a sales pitch, you've already bought it"
All this meeting-of-the-man description has been in a random order so far, but towards the end came something like this:
SHAUN or MUM: (to me:) (something about any more questions)
(someone): (to someone:) (something)
MUM: (to me:) (something else about questions)
SHAUN: (to me:) Mmm... The meaning of life?
ME: (to Shaun:) You know it?
SHAUN: (to me:) No, I was hoping you might have.

"The Micallef Pogram" Audience Tapings - Peter Van Dort

I am but an adoring disciple of Shaun but I was only 16 when I got to see Shaun Micallef taping one of the last episodes of the Third Series. The ABC had apparently rung my house when I was out, and my little brother didn't book the tickets for me, so, I was quite irritated at him. I rang again and they were able to get me into one episode. However, my little brother made up for his mishap in a few ways that night, firstly by grabbing the front seats. It was quite amazing for me, actually, to have Shaun sitting next to me as the audience were shown a few Myron episodes. And Shaun was directly in front of me during those opening sequences. He drank from a babies bottle in one shot, saying 'Oh mama' (remember that episode!)

I was also able to participate in a few sketches, involving booing an old lady for being 100 years old...or something, I forget. And we also had to drink the poison....a tiny fragment of the third series you may recall. It took a while, the taping. Francis was in a bad mood because he had acted in another McDonalds ad and the kids were apparently very bratty and irritating. Shaun was in good spirits, but by the end very tired. I laughed when he, teaching us how to boo, and go 'oooh', started conducting us. His conducting turned into a strange...miming himself moulding a cube or something....and when we couldn't keep 'ooohing' he complains 'You were with me to begin with!' He also would do his trademark McGahn winks between sketches. It was very awe-inspiring for me.

At the end of the night, no autographs, Shaun had had enough. I dropped my head in defeat. But my little brother ran onto the stage area and grabbed Shaun by the arm! I meekly came up to him with the torn back of a school book to write an autograph on. It was just him, me and my brother with him sort of backstage, everyone else was leaving. I didn't actually say anything....he seemed surprised I gave him a fountain pen to write with, and that was it. Goodnight Shaun, I said, and left in a kind of shock. That was my experience anyway. By the way, my sister works at Safeway, Bentleigh and got me an autograph from Francis Greenslade a few years later. That was nice. She has served him meat a few times!

See pics from Shaun's visit to Sacred Heart in the Gallery.

In early In early 2004, there was a rumour going around the year 12 body that the Public Speakers Forum: a club devoted to inviting guest speakers to come and speak to a few dozen students every now and then, had asked Shaun Micallef to be their next guest speaker. Could my vision just two years earlier finally be coming true, and in my senior year? Yes, indeed! I put my name down on the attendance sheet the minute it became available, knowing that there were only about 75 seats. I later discovered that over 200 people had put their name down and luckily for me; preference had been given to year 12 students… The nice year 12 students, who were educated above ground during the daylight hours… We do not speak of the other students…

The day finally arrived, May 31 2004. I started the day as I would start any other Monday, with opening my eyes and changing states from ‘asleep’ to ‘awake.’ Of course English was my first lesson for the day, and we had the lesson in the library, just talking about ‘The Big M.’ Out of the window I saw a nicely dressed individual walking around near the Chapel and I immediately asked the nearest human “Hey, is that him?” but everyone concluded that it was just some crazy person that had wandered onto the grounds, probably from the nearby mental facility (as patients were often ‘escaping’ from them back then) and besides, this guy had brown hair and any mouth-breathing ‘normy’ knows that Shaun Micallef has grey hair. After English, came the ancient schoolyard ceremony of recess. I took the opportunity to get a closer look at this ‘patient’ and so started walking in his direction. He mustn’t have seen me because he started walking at a heightened pace in the opposite direction… Yes, that was it… He didn’t see me. It was at that point that I concluded that he was indeed just some brown-haired nut who’d taken advantage of an open gate… or rather the absence of such a gate, as the original 1882 school gates had been demolished by a reversing tow-truck just weeks earlier.

After recess came the big moment I’d been waiting for, ever since I first saw David McGhan’s World on Full Frontal back in 1996. I took my seat in the font row of the Conference Centre, where this session of the Public Speaker’s Forum with its distinguished special guest was about to commence. Suddenly, there was a whisper from the back of the room, “He’s here!” I turned and looked out the open door to see the man whom I had just earlier mistaken for a mental patient. Now in plain view, I could see that it was indeed Shaun Micallef and he had brown hair (He had dyed his hair for a film he had just finished shooting… ‘Shooting’ as in ‘filming’ not as in ‘opening fire’ on the film). I just then developed what would be described by medical experts months later as a ‘rapid heart beat.’ He entered the conference centre along with his Father and a small boy whom I assumed was his child. He approached the podium and as he did so looked at the audience and pointed in the direction he was walking, like he did at the start of every episode of The Micallef Programme (and also when he appeared on Rove Live in 2001 for those of you playing at home!) and being the only one there who got the reference, I was the only one to let out a laugh, which was quite embarrassing. And then the fun began…

He was introduced by Mr Simpson, ‘respected’ teacher of economics and legal studies (amongst other things) and Mr Micallef leant aside the podium and begun talking. He told us a 15-minute version of his life, including of his time at Sacred Heart College in the late 1970s. He mentioned that when he was there, the boarders ruled the school. That was not the case in 2004. He also mentioned the subjects that he had studied: English, Geography, Geology, Biology and Economics, which he said were quite useless. He went on to tell us that the guidance councillor at the time had suggested that the two careers that he was most suited for was a lawyer and a park ranger… Shaun Micallef studied law at Adelaide University and practiced as a lawyer in Adelaide for 10 years, at which point (at age 31) he decided to get into the entertainment industry. He said he went to a Film and Television Office (I cannot remember which one exactly) and they turned him down, claiming that he was “too old and had no experience.” Well, they obviously knew what they were doing! But as fate had it, he was able to get a gig with the team at Full Frontal. It was about this time that Shaun thought that he had become out of touch with the younger generation and so asked if anyone was interested in this sort of career. I, being myself an amateur writer, filmmaker and aspiring Shaun Micallef, instinctively raised my hand immediately. Now, remember, I was sitting in the front row so I couldn’t see the rest of the audience, but I think that I was the only person in the room that raised their hand. This was further reinforced when Shaun began laughing and exclaimed as he pointed at me, “Oh, we have our first question!” To which I answered “Uuhh… No question” to scattered chuckling around the room. Shaun then continued his life story.

He began talking about his time with the ABC when he was making The Micallef Programme with “various spellings” as he put it. He told us of a World War One sketch that he’d made whilst doing the programme (‘doing as in ‘producing’ the programme. Not ‘doing’ as in engaging in sexual intercourse to produce some sort of human-television hybrid). It was only a 5 second sketch but he made sure to use all of the hundred thousand dollars that had been allocated to make that particular episode in the series, by hiring a bulldozer to construct the trenches and make-up artists to apply the mud to their uniforms (and if you’ve seen the sketch in question, you’ll know how much mud was on those uniforms!). He also said, “We were having a great time with all that money. We were hiring helicopters…” but was drowned out by the huge volumes of laughter that filled the room. Once during his speech the door blew shut and he responded, “Please, come in.” Another time, the current school captain, Phillip Rankin, had to leave the room for whatever reason captains leave the room and as soon as he stood up, Shaun looked at his watch and pointed at it while raising an eyebrow at his 25^th successor to the throne of Sacred Heart College , again to huge volumes of laughter!

Summing up his life’s work, he talked briefly about his recent stint on channel nine. He told us that the executives at the station wanted him to change the format of the show in an effort to boost the ratings. They wanted Livinia Nixon, who now co-hosts channel nine’s butchered Sale of the Century template, ‘Temptation’, to co-host Micallef Tonight but defiantly, Shaun proclaimed that he knew the show was going down, but he’d rather go down doing the show how he wanted, as opposed to as some spin-off rating stunt, which I think is very admirable, as did the other members of the audience, who replied with a round of applause. Now it was question time!

One girl at the back of the room raised her hand. Shaun Micallef said in his signature “Yes, you madam” voice… “Yes, you madam.” She mentioned that she saw his tonight show the previous year and that she liked it. Shaun replied with, “Oh, that was you! You were the one who liked it!” There was much rejoicing. My good friend Matthew Smith asked Shaun if he was going to get a show on SBS so that he would have “the complete set” (obviously not knowing that Shaun had already appeared on SBS in 2002 on John Safran’s Music Jamboree as a jumper model). Shaun responded by informing him that he had actually been asked by SBS to write a sitcom for Japanese television. I’m not sure if he was joking or not but that didn’t seem to affect the audience, who laughed anyway. Probably the only other person in the room that was as big of a Micallef fan as I was Tom Engelhardt, who asked Shaun “Yeah, what’s Francis Greenslade up to these days?” Just like on camera, off camera Shaun appears to always be giving Francis a hard time and replied, “Francis is actually doing a Melbourne stage show at the moment… Urine Town (laughter) so, no… He’s doing really well for himself.” It was at that point that the bell rang and Shaun realised that his time was up and so concluded brilliantly, “Well, I’d like to thank you for having me and I’ll see you in another 25 years.” The audience, which was mostly year 12 students, erupted with laughter.

Sitting next to me was my friend Hayden Moriarty, who had been asked by Mr Simpson (God knows why) to present Shaun with a bottle of wine made by the Sacred Heart College Wine Club and a newspaper clipping from The Advertiser, featuring the Sacred Heart College Wine Club. I had suggested offering Shaun a ‘Wheel of Brie’ to go with his wine and newspaper, but time was against us (And I don’t mean that in the literal sense. I mean, there was no giant clock brandishing a knife). Hayden had discussed with me earlier about what exactly he was going to say, so I helped him write some material for the occasion. I had suggested, “Thanks for coming and speaking at the Public Speaker’s Forum. We like to invite all our old scholars to come back… Although you’re the first who actually came back.” Hayden used this and there was a light coating of laughter around the room, including the man himself, Shaun Micallef. (So the first joke material I ever wrote for somebody other than myself made Shaun Micallef laugh! I still can’t get over that!) Shaun then held the wine bottle like a microphone and pretended to read out the newspaper article. He then inquired to Hayden, “Did you stamp the grapes yourself?” To which Hayden quickly replied with “No actually, we had a small Chinaman…” and it was then that a heartily round of applause surrounded the Conference Centre and everybody began packing up their chairs and heading back to their respected classes.

A few people, including myself, stuck around. My motive was to get Shaun Micallef’s autograph on my official Micallef Programme Video (I’d taped over my bootleg copies), which I had purchased in 2001 from my nearest ABC Shop. I was delighted when he agreed and I had the privilege of shaking his hand afterwards. I wish I brought my camera because other people were also getting their photo with him and I felt that asking to borrow somebody’s camera was highly improper. After he signed a few more things and posed for a few more photos, one of the school secretaries asked Phillip Rankin (2004 school captain) and Amy Gransden (The 2004 Captain for Newman House) to pose with Shaun for the yearbook photo. Because I was still very excited that I had shook Shaun’s hand, I said to the three of them (Amy, Phillip and Shaun), “Hey, want to hold this (the signed video) for the photo?” All I received was blank looks and Mr Simpson walked over to me, arms outstretched like a riot police officer, and lead me out of the room.

So I basically made a fool of myself in front of the person I admire most in the world… But he signed my video, with episodes 1, 2 and 3 of the second season of The Micallef Programme. It’s probably worth what I paid for it now: $25 for a video with 3 episodes on it. I also have the complete second season on DVD with all 8 episodes, which I bought earlier this year for the same amount… from the same ABC shop… on a medium that won’t deteriorate in quality over time! And $25 was a lot of money for a 13 year old back in 2001! Work that one out Australia ! I’m David M. Green… Sorry.

So my dream came true. Although in my dream Shaun was wearing a suit and I was the school captain… and I may have been involved in managing a Gentlemen’s Magazine… It was an incredible experience, to meet the one person in the world that if someone were to ask, “If you could meet anyone in the world who would it be?” and to meet that person, who I’d have answered to that question just then… well, not just then, I wasn’t asked just then because if I had, I’ve already met Shaun Micallef, so I’d have to come up with some other worthy person… but the point is that I met Shaun Micallef and he is a very funny man. And I’ll hold him to his final statement, and he better be back at the Conference Centre, on time, on May 31 2029, because I will be!

P.S. A lesser known fact about the Public Speaker’s Forum: Four days after Shaun Micallef visited Sacred Heart College , Federal Attorney General, Philip Ruddock visited and spoke at the same conference centre, but nobody attended…

For pics of this event, go to the Gallery.

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