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Francis' Knee
May 2005
Dear
Francis' Knee,
Do you find it hard to type
replies? y'know, being a knee with no
digits n' all... I've tried typing with my knees and feel quite frustrated
when I can't type under 9 letters at a time. How do you cope?
- Mam
Dear Mam,
Yes, typing can be a pane but I now use voice recognition software
witch I have found to be of grate help.
Regards,
Francis' Knee
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Dear
Francis' Knee,
Do you like AFL football? If so what team do you support?
- Brittany Tarrant
Greetings Brittany,
I can't stand AFL, but I am a mad keen Swans supporter.
See
you at the game,
Francis' Knee
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Dear
Francis' Knee,
You said in my previous question that you were going to get an
ice cream, what flavour may i ask?
- Paris Crawford
Hello again Paris!
I am actually lactose intolerant so if the shopkeep does not stock
gelati I just ask for a waffle cone and lick that instead.
Intolerantly yours,
Francis' Knee
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D
ear Francis' Knee,
Whilse
reading the answers you have given to all these questions
i couldn't help but notice that you sound like one of Francis'
characters of
'Full Frontal' Phil Toinby, the weather man. Is he one of your
favourites?
Love Celeste xox
Well, Celeste,
Yours is a commonly held belief that Francis actually played the
character of Phil Toinby. It was, in fact, a look alike. He was
one of
my favourites, the actor, not the character, he used to buy me
chocolates. Unlike Francis, who didn't.
Sincerely,
Francis' Knee
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Dear
Francis' Knee,
Are you a real family knee and if so how's the life of a father or
mother
[you never know] treating you?
- Mavis Echinacea
Dear
Miss Echinacea,
I
am a family knee, of sorts. I have an adopted son, Greg (23) who
is currently studying the mating rituals of deep sea molluscs in
Trinidad. I also have a daughter aged 4 from a previous
relationship. I rarely see her; mostly because of my eyesight
problems (see the entry under April).
Lovingly
Yours,
Francis' Knee
Dear
Francis' Knee,
I am beginning to think that I have an alter ego, what advice can
you give to
me to help and eventually overcome my situation/problem?
- Mavis Echinacea
Hello
again!
I
do feel your agony – for I too have a similar problem. My alter
ego lives in a different state (usually of paranoia), drives an
older model car, has a different job, different beliefs, different
family situation, eats too much chocolate and from what I can tell
is the opposite sex.
My
advice to you is just to wait it out, eventually your alter ego
will tire of you, have a film commissioned and move on to other
things. For the time being, I suggest you feed it on a diet of
plankton, algae and ginger ale. If it should cause you further
problems, see your doctor.
Doubly
Yours,
Francis' Knee
Dear
Francis' Knee,
Where can I get a soundbite of Shaun doing his Christopher Walken
impression?
- Papyrus
Dear
Papyrus,
I once got a dog bite that looked a lot like Shaun doing his
Christopher Walken impression. As for your soundbite, I am afraid
I cannot help you. Although I do recommend you go and see The
Extra, as it needs all the help it can get.
Inaudibly Yours,
Francis' Knee
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