Ask Francis's Knee Archives - MARCH 2006

Name - Danielsan
Question - Why is Mark Latham so punchy?

Greetings Danielsan,

It is no surprise that Mr. Latham is a punchy person. I heard that he drank the tap water in the parliamentary bathrooms on the ground floor. It is laced with sulphuric acid.

Chemically Yours,
Francis’ Knee

Name - Kayla
Question - Why are rabbits illegal in Queensland ?

Dear Kayla,

As a part time resident of Queensland (I have a holiday shack on the shores of the Brisbane River ) I can tell you now that there are lots of things that are illegal in Queensland . Rabbits, Ferrets and that white-out liquid paper tape – just to name a few. The best way to get around this is to leave Queensland – but only if you are partial to furry animals and making mistakes.

Correctionally Yours,
Francis’ Knee

Name - Lou Richards
Question - Why does my banana turn brown on the train

Hello Lou,

Concerning your banana – I am afraid it is just a fact of life. Bananas will turn brown on trains, apples will go soft on buses and mandarins will get mouldy on ferry services. Will fruit and public transport ever get along? I doubt it!

Fruitily Yours,
Francis' Knee

Name - David (insert clever name here) Ilchef
Question - Where do baby knees come from?

Well Hello there David,

I am asked this question quite often and frankly I think it is an intrusion of both my privacy and that of the other knees that populate this wide brown-ish land. Our mating habits are none of your business, nor are they spoken about in public by any decent knee. However, if you must know, I am presenting a 12-part series on this phenomenon on the Discovery Channel starting next week.

Biologically Yours,
Francis’ Knee

Name - Mark Herron
Question - Why can't I find a job? I'm a proffesional at graffic design yet I have a phobia about paint. What can I do to get over my phobia? I also have trouble obtaining cash. I do try to sell shopping trolleys as silver with no success. What can I do to get some success in my life?

Dear Mark,

My only advice to you is to beware of pyramid schemes. Or indeed any form of polyhedronic scams that will do the rounds of your neighbourhood. I got caught up in one the last time I was out of work and needed some fast cash. As it turned out, it was actually an archaeological expedition to Giza and I was locked inside an actual pyramid for several weeks. I contracted a strange skin disease and was almost eaten by the one-eyed captain who funded the expedition. This all happened after I opened one of those Reader’s Digest envelopes in the mail because it said I may have already won $20,000.

Archeologically Yours,
Francis' Knee

Name - Paul
Question - What was the skit that Shaun did where the room was moving around with the camera to create the illusion of him being clumsy?

Dear Paul,

The skit you are referring to was the one in which the room was moving around with the camera to create the illusion that Shaun was clumsy.

Knowledgably Yours,
Francis' Knee