Ask
Francis' Knee
June 2005
Dear
Francis' Knee,
Is it true that skittles make you impotent?
- Gavin
Dear
Gavin,
Not that I am aware of but I have heard that Snakes Alive will have a
similar result.
Yours,
Francis' Knee
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Dear
Francis' Knee,
Do you have a job? Or do you just sponge off Francis?
-Ciara
Hello
Ciara,
I do have a job. I work part time at the Box Hill McDonalds. I work the
drive-thru on Friday Nights.
Drive to the next window please!
Francis' Knee
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Dear
Francis' Knee,
Why am I up this late?
-Sean
Goodnight
Sean,
I trust you are enjoying the twilight hours? I can only come to 2
conclusions about your late-night situation. 1) You have forgotten to go
to bed again and 2) you are in fact a possum, in which case I suggest you
take care when running across roads and try to avoid powerlines if at all
possible.
Sweet
Dreams,
Francis' Knee
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Dear
Francis' Knee,
It's my friend Karl's 18th birthday soon. Could you
please wish him a happy birthday, as he's a great fan of yours?
-Nick
Dear
Nick,
Yes, of course I can wish your friend a happy birthday. I accept
Visa, MasterCard and Diner's Club, but not Amex. The standard fee
is $15 for a basic wish (A typical basic wish would consist of a
mumbled 'Happy Birthday'). The next level up is only $50 and
includes a musical card, handshake and a loud 'Happy Birthday'.
The Executive Greeting is set at $250, and includes a large cake
(40-50 serves, mock cream), fake gold Rolex in a box, a card
signed by random people with such remarks as 'best wishes' and
'regards', and a genuine Knee-A-Gram on the doorstep between 4:30
and 5pm. Knee-A-Grams will only sing 'Happy Birthday', no
requests.
Looking
forward to doing business with you,
Francis' Knee
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Dear
Francis' Knee,
Hi, it's your ole mate James! Do u still love me?
-James
Yes,
James, I do still love you but will you please stop sending me
roses at work – I blush in front of the customers.
Yours
Eternally
Francis' Knee
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