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Ask Francis's Knee Archives - AUGUST 2006

Name - Jade
Question - What's your view on Kath and Kim?

Dear Jade,
Out of my kitchen window, into their bathroom.  Or at least it was, until the law intervened.

Curses!
Francis' Knee  

Name - Jason Courtenay
Question - I recently had to do an assignment on nationalism ... is there a chance that I am nationalism?

Dear Jason,

Could be.  Check with your local GP, who will refer you to a specialist if the test results come back positive.

Now bulk billing,
Francis' Knee  

Name - Clint Walkerthon
Question -  First time listener, long time caller (I think that's right).  My lawyer tells me I should pay him.  I have been seeking legal advice regarding my tennis elbow which seems to physically connect with people's faces while I'm drinking.  What should I do?  I am un-employed.  I told him I would pay him out of my tax return.  Only problem is, I don't pay tax ... whoops.  Please keep my details confidential.  Here's my postal address ...

Dear Clint,

Shouldn't you people be doing your census tonight???

I was up to question 88,
Francis' Knee

Name - Werner
Question - Can I sue my employer for discrimination based on lack of talent?

Dear Werner,

But of course you can!  The new IR laws have opened up all sorts of possibilities not only for employers to fire their employees, but also for the employee to turn around and sue them for doing so, whatever the reason.  It's a win-win situation.  Who said John Howard was an idiot?

John Howard is an idiot,
Francis' Knee

Name - Matthew Corry,

Question - I swear I saw Shaun do a sketch as Stephen Hawking perform "Puttin' on the Ritz".  I can't seem to find it in your episode guide so I'm wondering if I'm going insane or if I really did see it.  Mainly because it was one of the funniest things I have ever seen.  Can you help me with this problem, Mr Knee?

Dear Matthew,

Fear not, young lad, you are not going insane.  The sketch you refer to is in the first episode of Season Three, right at the end of the episode.  And he's singing "Stairway to Paradise".  The reason it's not in the sketch listings is because they were done some time ago.  Before the show even aired, in fact.  So the listing was compiled with the aid of an ex-police psychic who had narcolepsy and would fall asleep before he finished anything.  He's now receiving treatment and is well on the way to recovery.

Yours,
Francis' Knee

Name - Ashley Hauenschild,

Question - As a knee, don't you grow weary of the attention feet receive at the World Cup every four years?  Wouldn't you prefer to see an international sport played entirely with the knees, with feet absolutely unrequired?  If so, then the National Association for Zero Tolerance (Towards Knees Pty Ltd) wants YOU as a spokes-knee!

Dear Ashley,

We knees had our moment in the sun with the "Karate Kid" movie, when Ralph Macchio made it all the rage to bounce a soccer ball on his knees for as long as possible.  It became quite popular worldwide.  And to be perfectly honest, we knees didn't enjoy it much.  It's terribly painful, and quite boring after a while.  We're happier to sit and read a good book.  So, thank you for your offer, but all of my spare time is currently taken up with my commitments to the "No More Otters as Bus Fuel" Foundation (all donations are tax deductible).

Yours without bruises,
Francis' Knee

Name - Rob Law,

Question - Why do I only get irritated by two thing: OH&S and "Magic Happens" stickers?

Dear Rob,

Because they ARE irritating.

Yours again,
Francis' Knee